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The Origin of the Famous July 25, 2023 Summary: The Unix Sysadmin Song does not stand alone. I wrote it as a part of a larger discussion of the Unix mail programs which you will find in in Chapter 15 of my book "The Unix Companion", published in October 1995 by Osborne McGraw-Hill. Below is an except from the chapter that introduces the topic and, eventually, leads to the famous Unix Sysadmin Song. Please take moment to read the next two sections, so that you will understand the funny stuff what follows.
As I explained in Chapter 14 [of The Unix Companion], Unix comes with a built-in mail system. The most important part of this system is the user interface, the program that you use to send and read messages. The two most popular Unix mail programs are named elm and pine... elm is a menu-driven program that was developed as a replacement for the standard Unix mail program. elm is both easy to use and powerful. If you have ever used a mail program before — especially the mail program — you will probably be able to start using elm within minutes. Once you get used to elm, you will find it to be fast and sophisticated. There are many opportunities for customization, including advanced features that let you build your own personalized mail processing system. pine was designed to be easy to learn and is a favorite of casual users, especially those with no previous electronic mail experience. pine is more forgiving of mistakes than elm, and provides immediate feedback each time you issue a command. With only a short introduction, just about anyone can start using pine immediately. pine has an interesting feature in that it comes with its own simple text editor (called pico) for creating messages, and its own paging program for reading messages. The downside is that pine and pico are not all that powerful and are not well suited to experienced users....
Many Unix users have both elm and pine installed on their system. Which one is best to use? If you don't read or send mail very often, you are probably better off with pine. It is simple, easy to learn, and the built-in pico editor is far more accessible than either vi or emacs. However, I firmly believe that, in the long run, just about everyone is better off taking the time to learn a mail program like elm and to learn a text editor like vi or emacs. The reason is that, as human beings, we do ourselves a disservice when we opt for tools that are easy to use on the first day, but prove stifling after the first month. It takes a little longer to learn to use elm (and a lot longer to learn vi or emacs), but once you master these tools, they are faster and better. The crucial idea is to not confuse "easy to learn" with "easy to use". It is easier to learn how to use pine than to learn how to use elm. But once you understand both programs, you will find elm to be a lot faster and much more attuned to the workings of an intelligent mind. With respect to pico, the text editor, the situation is even more polarized. pico is very easy to learn — even beginners can use it — and both vi and emacs are very difficult to learn. Only a sadist would put an inexperienced person in front of a computer and tell him that he cannot send mail until he learns how to use vi or emacs. Indeed, in some jurisdictions such behavior is considered a felony and is punishable by law... (Note to Americans: The original Monty Python shows did not have a laugh track; it was added for the American market. No doubt, this decision was made by the sort of people who use pico exclusively and are fond of expressing the idea that computers should be "intuitive" to use.)
In the previous section, I refrained from saying outright that elm is a good choice for intelligent people, while pine is better suited to dull, lazy people who don't know any better. Such an observation would have been rude and potentially offensive so, instead, I merely hinted at it in my own subtle way. However, English literature contains many references to this very problem, and it is my feeling that a few minutes reading what wiser minds have counseled would be time well spent. To start, let's take a look at one of Shakespeare's most entertaining plays, The Comedy of Errors. Shakespeare, as you know, commented many times on the philosophical issues involved in choosing elm over pine (and indeed Unix in general). In case you are not familiar with this play, The Comedy of Errors concerns a number of mixed-up situations involving two sets of twins. First, there are two twin brothers who were separated at birth and do not know about one another. As it happens, both brothers have the same name, Antipholus. To make matters worse, each of them has a Unix account with the same userid, antipholus, on systems within the same local area network. Thus, one brother uses the name antipholus on a machine named epheus, while the other brother uses the same name on a machine named syracuse. Adding to the confusion, the system administrators of these two systems are also twins who were separated at birth. Moreover, these two system administrators (who don't know about one another) also have the same name, Dromio, and the same userid dromio. The fun begins when the Antipholus twin who uses the epheus computer, sends an email message to Dromio, which accidentally goes to the wrong system administrator (dromio on the syracuse computer.) Antipholus is asking his administrator to tell him when the new version of elm will be installed, but Dromio (who assumes that the message is coming from the Antipholus on his computer) thinks that the message refers to a version of pine that he had recommended against using several weeks earlier. You can imagine what happens when these four guys start trading mail back and forth to the wrong addresses. Later, the situation explodes with laughter when the two sets of twins attend the same Unix conference and, well, I don't want to give away the plot; you will have to read it for yourself. However, I will be glad to show you an excerpt. This particular conversation is from Act II, Scene 1. The background... Antipholus (on the syracuse computer) has established a talk session with Dromio. However, by accident, a bug in the system has connected Antipholus with the other Dromio (the one who administers the epheus system). Antipholus is in a bad mood. He recently sent a floppy disk with the latest version of elm to Dromio (his Dromio) to install and he is wondering why the job has not yet been done. Dromio of epheus, however, has received a floppy disk from the other Antipholus, who has asked Dromio to use the disk to back up an important file for his manager.]
antipholus@syracuse:
dromio@ephesus:
antipholus@syracuse:
dromio@ephesus:
antipholus@syracuse:
dromio@ephesus:
antipholus@syracuse:
Shakespeare, of course, was only one of many writers who commented upon Unix and choosing a mail program. Gilbert and Sullivan, dealt with this very question in Act I of The Pirates of Penzance. Towards the end of the act, the system manager enters unnoticed. He then announces himself by singing the famous "Unix Sysadmin" song.
UNIX SYSADMIN:
EVERYONE:
UNIX SYSADMIN:
EVERYONE:
As I said earlier, the choice of elm or pine as your mail program is an important one and literature abounds with comments and expositions regarding this universal dilemma of the human spirit. Perhaps I can sum it up best by quoting from the film Casablanca. Rick (Humphrey Bogart) meets Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) at a Unix developers conference in Paris. Isla is a programmer with the secret elm development group. However, just before meeting Rick, she receives news that the group has been disbanded. Shattered, she makes plans with Rick to leave the country and develop a new platform-independent mail program. However, just before they leave, Ilsa finds out the elm group still exists, but it's whereabouts are a closely guarded secret. She abandons Rick, sending a single, ambiguous message to his email address and returns to Victor, the leader of the elm group. Rick moves to Casablanca, where he accepts a contract job working on a Windows 95 version of pine. One day, Ilsa and Victor find themselves in Casablanca, looking for a way to escape to a place where they can develop Unix programs in peace. Rick and Ilsa wrestle with their relationship and, in the final scene of the movie, they find themselves at the airport as the tension builds unbearably. Ilsa has a chance to escape on a plane with Victor and to work once again with the elm group. However, she tells Rick that, to keep her promise, she will leave Victor and stay with Rick. Rick, however, is locked into an ironclad contract with Microsoft: a contract that is administered by a corrupt, but good-natured manager named Louis... RICK: Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: You're getting on that plane with the elm group where you belong. ILSA: But Richard, no I— RICK: You've got to listen to me. Do you have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten we'd both end up working on the Windows 95 version of pine. Isn't that true, Louis? LOUIS: I'm afraid that Microsoft would insist. ILSA: You're saying this only to make me go. RICK: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with the elm group. You're part of their work, the thing that keeps them going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with them, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. ILSA: What about us? RICK: We'll always have Unix. We didn't have — we'd lost it, until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night when you helped me with my shell script. ILSA: But I said I would never leave you. RICK: And you never will. RICK: Isla, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the development of two little mail programs don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Some day you'll understand that. RICK: Here's looking at you kid.
© All contents Copyright 2024, Harley Hahn
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